Writing is Wiping (or: the Lawful Evil Shrine of Vecna)

I’m working on a Halloween adventure based on the Vecna series, and in summarizing the relevant pieces of the modules it really sunk in just how overwrought some of the writing on these is!

The LAWFUL EVIL SHRINE OF VECNA 👻!

From “Die Vecna Die!”:

 

“The doors to the lawful evil shrine are made of solid gold, reinforced by magic so they are harder than steel. Their surfaces are highly polished, and heroes approaching them can see themselves reflected in their glittering surfaces.

 

The doors and the room beyond them are under the influence of a forbiddance spell. The spell was cast by a 15th-level undead cleric of Vecna (not currently present in the palace) and is not password locked. (For details, see the description of the 6th-level cleric spell forbiddance in the Player’s Handbook.)

 

Just approaching the doors is a challenge for many heroes. Lawful evil beings can approach the doors without noticing anything strange. However, chaotic good people feel a strange sense of dread when they come within sight of these doors; they get the sudden impression that someone or something knows they are approaching, and if they pass through the doors they risk imprisonment for all eternity. Beings of other alignments simply feel as though something threatening is waiting beyond the doors.

 

When the heroes enter, there is a 60% chance the room is empty, and a 40% chance that 2d6+4 acolytes of Vecna are worshiping here. The heroes always surprise the acolytes, who are outraged at the interruption and attack the heroes at the first possible moment, unless they face a clearly superior party.

 

However, if the heroes previously encountered the cleric Lann, and he was able to escape, he will be found here with an organized force of guards, clerics, and undead. None of this group will be surprised. The DM should structure the defenders’ attacks to be as efficient as possible.”

 

That’s a lot of text! Let’s examine!

 

• The doors to the lawful evil shrine are made of solid gold, reinforced by magic so they are harder than steel. Their surfaces are highly polished, and heroes approaching them can see themselves reflected in their glittering surfaces.

 

What is the actual information conveyed here? The doors are made of gold. Magic makes them stronger than steel. They are reflective. We can combine these three facts into one sentence: the doors are made of highly reflective polished gold, magically strengthened to be harder than steel.

 

• The doors and the room beyond them are under the influence of a forbiddance spell. The spell was cast by a 15th-level undead cleric of Vecna (not currently present in the palace) and is not password locked. (For details, see the description of the 6th-level cleric spell forbiddance in the Player’s Handbook.)

 

I’m not too familiar with the mechanics of 2nd edition forbiddance, but does it really matter who cast the spell and whether or not they’re in the palace? The reference to the PHB also doesn’t need to be that detailed (or even exist, really). All that this says is that the shrine is enchanted with a forbiddance spell. One sentence.

 

• Just approaching the doors is a challenge for many heroes. Lawful evil beings can approach the doors without noticing anything strange. However, chaotic good people feel a strange sense of dread when they come within sight of these doors; they get the sudden impression that someone or something knows they are approaching, and if they pass through the doors they risk imprisonment for all eternity. Beings of other alignments simply feel as though something threatening is waiting beyond the doors.

 

Here is where the floweriness really starts. The first sentence (“Just approaching .. heroes”) can be inferred from what follows. The second sentence (“Lawful evil .. anything strange”) doesn’t say anything. Approachability is the default for doors so why call it out? The explanation that follows has loads of superfluous words like “However”, “strange”, “sudden”, etc. which we can all scrap. The final bit about other alignments I would just leave out. This admittedly changes the rules of the shrine but it serves the text.

 

• When the heroes enter, there is a 60% chance the room is empty, and a 40% chance that 2d6+4 acolytes of Vecna are worshiping here. The heroes always surprise the acolytes, who are outraged at the interruption and attack the heroes at the first possible moment, unless they face a clearly superior party.

 

Empty is the default. The acolytes are of course worshippers of Vecna. Do we need to tell the DM how they react? Whether or not they are surprised? That they cower before a superior army? I can run cultists just fine without these tips but if we really need to add them just say they are aggressive and cowardly, or better yet let them be engaged in a ritual that showcases those things.

 

• However, if the heroes previously encountered the cleric Lann, and he was able to escape, he will be found here with an organized force of guards, clerics, and undead. None of this group will be surprised. The DM should structure the defenders’ attacks to be as efficient as possible.

 

This just used 3 sentences to define the word “ambush”.

The LAWFUL EVIL SHRINE OF VECNA 🎃!

Applying the changes gives this:

 

“The highly reflective golden doors to this shrine are magically strengthened to be harder than steel. They, as well as the shrine beyond, are enchanted with a forbiddance spell (lvl 15, no password, see PHB for details).

 

Chaotic good characters feel a sense of dread when approaching the shrine, as if something is aware of them, and will imprison them for all eternity.

 

There is a 4-in-10 chance of 2d6+4 acolytes worshipping here. They are aggressive and cowardly.

 

If the heroes encountered Lann previously, and he escaped, he is waiting here in ambush with an organized force of guards, clerics, and undead.”

 

We just cut over 60% of the words. Maybe we could use them to add stuff that helps the DM, like a description of the acolyte ritual or a nice image of the shrine.